Deleted, but not forgotten: Manuel’s thoughts on masculinity

When I started the “Belle Nuit” project, a few things were clear to me from the outset.

• I wanted to write a humorous novel about the two protagonists—one that was honest and grounded in reality—so that readers who share this fantasy with Clara and Manuel but, for whatever reason, don’t want to or won’t act on it in real life, could gain insight into the world behind those doors.

• I definitely didn’t want to write a classic erotic novel and shift the focus away from describing the sexual acts themselves; rather, I wanted to depict what might be going on in the protagonists’ minds.

• It was clear to me from the very beginning exactly how the novel would end.

These parameters were set in my mind from the very beginning. The rest, I thought, would develop and fall into place as I wrote. And that’s exactly how it turned out. Once I got into the flow, the novel practically wrote itself. And then… I found myself mentally facing the evening with Irene and August. A moment that would jolt readers out of the lighthearted and humorous tone the novel had maintained up to that point. But I didn’t want to leave this topic out. There are dark sides to this scene as well. Omitting them seemed wrong to me, because I wanted to write a novel that treats its readers honestly.

Chapter 15—“The Body’s Deception”—therefore had to be part of the novel for me. A terrible experience, but also one that was discussed very controversially later in a book club. At times, this took the form of a reversal of perpetrator and victim roles.

“Clara should have reacted differently.”

“Clara is a strong and intelligent woman, after all. A surgeon! Why didn’t she say anything?”

Yes, Clara is a strong and intelligent woman, just like the real-life person who inspired the character Clara in the novel. And yet she fell into this state of her body reacting against her will and remaining silent. Just as Manuel didn’t react well enough and didn’t listen to a quiet inner voice.

Chapter 15 was therefore essential to the narrative. However, two other chapters didn’t make it into the book. These are chapters in which Manuel—prompted by the events involving Irene and August—reflects on masculinity. What does it mean to him, and how is it viewed by society?

Shaped by coincidences in his own past, Manuel has never fully embraced traditional gender roles—this, too, is part of his story and may have subconsciously relativized for him the need to cling to traditional relationship models. It was precisely this exploration of the role of men in society that I wanted to convey through Manuel’s retrospective chapters. However, these two chapters weren’t a good fit for the book and represented too sharp a break from the rest of the plot. “Belle Nuit” was meant to accompany us on Clara and Manuel’s journey, not to be a critique of society.

For this reason, although I consider the subject matter important, I removed the two chapters from the book. Anyone interested in this side of Manuel can download the two chapters below.

I’m happy about every download, because the topic is important. So don’t hesitate, and feel free to send me feedback via email if you’d like. I promise: I’ll respond to every (constructive) message.